Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
