I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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