Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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