...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
