Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
