standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
