weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
