i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
