just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
