I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
These tits shall not be calmed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
