I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
