I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
