he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize