One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
