he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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