He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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