TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
