hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
