I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
