he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
