You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
