Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
