I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize