I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
