Duck Duck Cougar?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize