when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
