4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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