I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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