I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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