we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
