theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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