oh god the rape fog is back!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
