I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
