so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There r osticjed everywhere
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
