my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
