I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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