he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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