i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
