Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
