Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
