You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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