just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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