the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
