Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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