Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
