I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
operation harelip BJ is a go
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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