my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
