mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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