I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
