1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
