i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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