I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize