You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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