i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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