she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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