Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
