So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
