capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
