girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
