there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
