quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
why is half of my head shaved?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
