There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
