I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
