You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
