What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
