went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
