I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
