Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
