(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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