Tell her she can't have a vagina
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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