someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
